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One More Scene at the Beach (a series of parodies that take place at a resort on the beach)

DEBBIE

I just wish this hotel would put a little more thought into their seating arrangements on the beach. Maybe they could try to stagger the chairs. What do you think? That way everyone would have an ocean view! Anyway, it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it? I’m so glad we decided to come back again this year. You know, I never seem to get tired of being here. As a matter of fact, the days go by far too quickly. And the girls always have such fun. Can you believe they’ve outgrown the children’s program? Time certainly flies. It seems like only yesterday that they needed all of our attention. Now, they’re so content just going back and forth from the ocean to the pool So, what do you think, Jim? Should we take them out with us tonight? We could go to that new Italian place we all like. Or maybe they’d rather just stay here and rent movies and order from room service. What do you think? Jim?

JIM

I don’t know. Do we need to decide now?

DEBBIE

Why not now?

JIM

Because I’m happy reading right now. I’d like to at least finish this chapter. You know how much I enjoy reading my books at the beach.

DEBBIE

And you know how much I don’t enjoy your tone of voice. It’s so degrading. It makes me feel unloved.

JIM

What are you talking about? Unloved? That’s ridiculous. You’re the most pampered person I know. Take a look around. How many men do you see even sitting on the beach? Most of them were on the golf course by eight this morning, leaving their wives with the kids. Not me. I let you sleep ‘till nearly ten-fifteen. I took the girls down to breakfast early so they wouldn’t disturb you. I gave the beach boy a tip so you could sit in your favorite spot close to the water. I drove to the mini mart and bought tuna, mayonnaise and rye bread. And I went to the room and even —

DEBBIE

It was packed in oil.

JIM

— even made you a Bloody fucking Mary! What? What did you just say?

DEBBIE

I said it was packed in oil. The tuna was packed in oil. Not water-packed.

JIM

Jesus, Debbie. I don’t know what else to do. No matter how hard I try, it’s never good enough. You’re never satisfied. You always find something to complain about. Can’t you ever just relax and take it easy?

DEBBIE

No. No, I can’t. Not when you just sit here all day reading. Who’s going to take care of all the things that need attention?

JIM

This is a vacation, Debbie. This is not the time to think about all the things that are wrong or possibly could go wrong.

DEBBIE

But you never worry about anything! You don’t think about anything! You’re never really here. You’re off in your books and your magazines and all your news programs. Don’t you have anything to say? With all the reading you do, maybe you could share with me a tiny fraction of your wealth of knowledge.

JIM

Here’s an article on the normalization of relations with Cuba.

DEBBIE

You just don’t get it! I don’t want to sit here and read with you. It’s fine for a few hours at a time. But all day? I’d like to talk. I’d like for you to look at me. I want you to notice me, to take an interest in me.

JIM

I try my best. Compared to most husbands —

DEBBIE

I don’t care about most husbands! And to tell you the truth, I’m beginning to care less and less about you.

JIM

Okay. Let’s talk.

DEBBIE

No. You always do this. You don’t want to talk. I initiate the conversation because I’m feeling frustrated, and then you say, “Let’s talk.” If it’s always my idea to talk, then it’s meaningless. I’m too upset to talk. Read your book.

JIM

No, I want to talk. You’ve got my full attention.

If you enjoyed this scene, you might like https://medium.com/@danna310/scenes-at-the-beach-a-parody-e803c142e2c6#.t33wtcw0r Thanks for reading my story. Please click the below if you enjoyed this story to make it easier for others to find.

You can find more stories by Danna Colman here.

Writer and copyeditor. “What doesn’t kill us gives us something new to write about” ~ J. Wright

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