Hi Lisa, my story was originally a response to someone who has a very difficult relationship with her mother. Actually, it was a response to a response. She originally wrote a story about her mother to which I responded that I felt the lack of love from a mother was even more brutal than the absence of love from a father. She wrote back to say there was no difference in her mind and that I wasn’t owning my hurt. So this piece (with the very first part removed) was about owning it.
I wish I could offer you more, but most of my issues were with my father and, as I said, when he died, I was left to figure it all out. My story within the story, “Why Worry,”(in case you didn’t see it) explains how I learned behavior modification on my own and what works for me. Incidentally, I had been in and out of therapists’ offices throughout my life without finding the kind of help I needed. And that includes two years of psychoanalysis.
I read your response to Sarah Williams on this thread, and one part in particular stood out to me — “Perhaps my daughter never felt that connection to me that her sister, who considers me her best friend, has always felt.” Lisa, I have the same dynamics with my daughters. My younger and daughter and I literally finish each other’s sentences and couldn’t be any closer. My older daughter accuses me of things from her childhood that never occurred, and not just me, but everyone tells her so. She is very angry, and I have to pull away at times and keep my distance because her attacks are too painful. I wrote a story about it, if you’re interested. Perhaps if you read it, we can discuss this in more depth.