I am so sorry your divorce didn’t turn out to be for the best for your children. My experience was very different than yours, but I agree with you not to pay attention to Scientific American because each situation needs to be looked at on an individual basis.
I separated from my husband when my daughters were eleven and seventeen. They stayed with me at my home and never experienced split custody as so many do. Their father saw them every day, as he picked them up each morning for school, and on the weekends we would go to the girls’ activities as a family. Amy was frequently the lead in the school musicals and with Olivia, there were weekend tennis tournaments.
Neither of my daughters suffered from our divorce. In fact, once when Amy was asked by someone what it was like to come from a “broken home,” she had to think a moment and thought to herself “Wait, what does this person mean?” She told me that she never felt that she came from a “broken home” and that it always seemed as if we lived in a very, very long house with the three of us occupying one end and her father at the other.
Our situation turned out extremely fortunate for all four of us, but I know that for many, it can’t be worked out so easily. As in your case when the children are forced to be split between both parents and their parents are not working together to bring more harmony to their children’s lives. Again, I am so sorry for your pain and recognize I was one of the lucky ones.