I get it. When I was married we’d have small get togethers (4–12 people at the most), but I would be a wreck right before everyone arrived. I would direct my husband and daughters to do the last minute whatever it was while realizing there still wasn’t enough time to get it all together. I loved having people over, but I HATED the responsibility of it all. You’d think I was getting ready for a rehearsal dinner the way I would behave!!
What I like the most now about being older and living alone is that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. No responsibility. I now realize how much I hate responsibility. I want to wake up every day and not have anything that must be done. I have no idea how I got like this. But I do remember the first time I had any sense of responsibility as a child, and it completely overwhelmed me.