My Turn
I’ve been quiet for too long. I saw H Nemesis Nyx’s response to Mike Essig, and there were a few things that she said that I would like to address.
H. Nemesis Nyx wrote:
“we may still see things here that activate our sense of fairness and we may feel we are being judged by those who don’t know us just because some person decides to talk some shit.”
“I think my personal triggers related to this coming up again, have to do with the problem of “old news being new to some,” and those new people lack the context so they lump everyone in the same bucket.”
I feel the same way she does. In fact, I just finished an email to a friend. This is what I said:
“Yes, it’s been ongoing since July 1. It’s unbelievable. It only bothers me because the lies they are spreading affect my relationships with the new writers and readers. Several stopped responding to my stories and some blocked me. That hurts.”
However, I have not been posting on Medium so that everyone new can see who I really am like Heidi does. I have given up. There is just too much Danna bashing going on for me to even try to defend myself. It just hurts because I have lost people I really care about and others that I might have developed a relationship with had I been given the chance.
I don’t know if you remember Kestley Knoble. She is an excellent writer who had a falling out with a few people on another touchy subject. She was horribly attacked and even thrown off a publication because her views were different that “the group’s.” She felt she had to change her name because of the chain reaction and is now back as Kestley but not writing much. It’s sad. I miss her.
Unfortunately, because of this type of fighting among Medium writers, people leave. Mike Essig is one of our most talented writers. He left. I know I was one of the ones who encouraged him to come back. And I wrote him a private email. How about that? Not everything is for everybody’s eyes, and that doesn’t mean that it is unfair or sneaky.
Yes, I wrote two private notes last month to two young writers. You know why? Not because I’m an evil back-stabbing person like some suggest. No. It was because those two writers saw all the infighting and were very distressed by it. They both wrote that they were troubled in such a way that it affected their writing. I felt bad for them. I wrote a note. I thought I was helping, but I obviously did more harm than good. To myself. Not to anyone else because they didn’t believe me. As a result, neither of them trust me and one blocked me. My note was the truth. I had been harassed by this man in private emails. Actually threatened. He said I lied when I didn’t. He has a lot of power on Medium, and he was making my life absolutely miserable. I have my emails to prove it, if need be.
All of this happened after my response to the Tabu publication’s abortion story. I was attacked by writers who I thought were “friends.” And if I wasn’t directly attacked by some, I was unfollowed or blocked. Or I could see that they “recommended” the hurtful responses to me.
Yes, I was the first to attack. I wrote a very mean response to an anonymous person. A person without a name. The publication Tabu stated that the writer wished to be unnamed. No one has heard even one word about this whole debacle from the unnamed writer. Do I owe this person an apology? Maybe. I don’t know. Perhaps I should. But honestly, I still feel the way I felt on that day I wrote that piece. I’m still upset with what she wrote. Am I judgmental? Yes, sure I am. And so are all of you who say you are not.
What is really troubling to me are the emails I received from H Nemesis and Alexainie, who claimed they were my friends. They blocked me. I was told it was because if I could write something so horrible to this writer, then they did not trust my sensibilities (my word). They did not trust that I would not take the personal things they told me and hurt them with my knowledge. I understand those words, but I do not understand the logic. Yes, I struck out, but it was like striking out at the universe to me. Not a friend. Alexainie said I told her it was because I was in a bad mood. If she looks back through her emails, she will see that I said, “I was in a mood.” A mood. Not necessarily a bad mood. Just a mood that was unlike my usual sensitive and caring self. And so I wrote it.
To the other angry responders who say that the reason I wrote what I did to the writer of the abortion story is because I regret my abortion, you are all wrong. I did not write it because I regret my abortion. I do not. I am sorry that I had to terminate my pregnancy. I am sorry that I had to go through an illegal abortion in 1967, but I am not ashamed of what I did. I would do it again if presented with the same circumstances. Please don’t accuse me of not being pro choice. And don’t tell me, like Mirah Curzer did, that “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” That is just foolish.
And to the new writers and readers who would like the backstory and have not yet read my abortion response, let me make it easier for you. You are welcomed to use my story as a starting point to refer back to the original post. You can then read all the responses to me, if you wish. I can pretty much assure you that if you forego all of it, your lives will be simpler and much, much happier. Shouldn’t we all be enjoying the last of summer with our loved ones?
