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Irritated on the Beach

Look at those people! I mean, look at them! They’re going to have to move! You just tipped the beach boy ten dollars to set up our chairs right next to the water, and now that couple that isn’t even staying here at this hotel is sitting right in front of us. And they’re smoking! Look! The wind is blowing their smoke right over here! Right here! See! See it? Oh my God! One of the reasons we come to the beach is to breathe in the fresh ocean air. We’re going to have to move. I mean they’re going to have to move! I’m much too aggravated and uncomfortable now. I can’t see the water, my eyes are tearing from the smoke, and just look at them! I’m almost certain they’re not staying here. They’ve spread out their sheets, they don’t have chairs, and they have that cooler with them. Hotel guests are given turquoise towels and sit in chairs under turquiose hotel umbrellas. Hotel guests order lunch from the turquoise menu. Look at that bag of Cheetos and those cans of Coors! Those people are obviously outsiders. Look! She’s sitting on his stomach and pouring the beer into his mouth! Yuck! Yuck! Can’t we do something? We have to get them to move! Those people are not the type I ever expected we’d be vacationing with! They don’t belong here! Get the beach boy’s attention. Oh my God they’re chain smoking! Wave him over! Come on! Wave! Wave!

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You can find more stories by Danna Colman .

Writer and copyeditor. “What doesn’t kill us gives us something new to write about” ~ J. Wright

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