Oh hello, Mom. How did you know I was here?
Oh, you didn’t?
No, I’m not in L.A. We’re in Laguna.
No, Irma’s not with us. Irma’s home cleaning.
Yes, the girls have their sunblock on.
No, they’re not in the pool. They’re in the ocean.
Yes, I’m sure it’s safe.
No, you can’t talk to them now.
Later? Yes, later.
No, no one’s here that you know.
No, I didn’t take down their phone numbers.
No, we haven’t had dinner with any interesting couples… or families.
Do we need anything? Mom, we’re fine. Everything’s fine. I’ll talk to you when we get back.
No, DON’T CALL US IN THE CAR!
What? Did you say something? Did you say something else, Mom? I can’t hear you.
It’s not very important? Well, tell me anyway.
Dad had a heart attack? Dad had a heart attack? Oh my God, is he all right?
You thought he was dead?
You drove him all the way to the hospital thinking he was dead? Oh my God, how awful!
You didn’t drive him?
Oh, the ambulance took him. Still, all that time in the ambulance until you got to the hospital. That’s a long time with someone you thought was dead.
What? You weren’t riding with him? Mom, are you sure he’s not dead?
You’re sure? Oh my God this is terrible! Why weren’t you with him?
You.. thought.. it.. would.. be.. better.. to.. stay.. home.. and.. wait.. for.. the.. doctor.. to.. call.. you? Mom, are you sure everything’s okay?
He had an angioplasty? Oh my God!
But he’s all right now?
It didn’t work? So he’s dead? Is that what you’re trying to say, Mom? Are you trying to tell me that dad’s dead?
Open heart surgery? Bypass?
Where are you now, Mom?
You.. wanted.. to.. make.. sure.. he.. was.. going.. to.. make.. it.. before.. you.. went.. to.. see.. him?
Jesus, Mom. He could have died! Why didn’t you call me?
Yes, I know you just called me. But you asked me about Irma and sunblock and interesting couples. And THEN you told me about dad. I was about to hang up. Why did you wait so long?
You.. didn’t.. want.. to.. spoil.. my.. nice.. vacation?
MOM, you didn’t even know I WAS on vacation! CALL ME IN THE CAR!
A Series for Mother’s Day 2018
My Darling Mother
My mother called me Darling. “Darling, what time did you get home?” and “That’s so funny, darling!” and “Oh, darling…