Sarah, you have really touched me. I am so sorry that you didn’t receive the love and nurturing every child deserves. I am feeling very sad for that little girl right now. But at the same time I am so amazed that at this young age — — this is you in your photo, right? — you have already begun to think about forgiveness.
You are so much more mature than I was at your age, and more mature than I was even up until a few years ago in my 60s after I had raised my own two daughters. The very fact that my story had you pause to look within and ask questions is remarkable.
I didn’t know anything other than blame. I blamed everything on my parents and the way they raised me. It wasn’t until after they both passed away that I realized that there was no one to help me make changes in my life that I needed to make in order to grow and become a healthier version of myself.
Sarah, I could talk to my mother about my day, and she would always be happy to hear from me, but the most significant part of the conversation was missing. As you said about your mother, you didn’t connect. I can say that very same thing. I never connected. I couldn’t feel her presence. One day I even grabbed her arms and shook them and said, “Are you there? Are you in there? Where are you?”
Some of us are so fortune to have a parent that we connect with as if we are joined at the hip, but many of us are just not lucky that way. I now experience that joy that you speak of because I have a daughter who is my very best friend. But it was luck.
You will eventually find “your person,” Sarah. It need not be a mother or a father. It can be a special relationship with a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a mentor or perhaps your own son or daughter some day. I can almost guarantee you will find “Your person.”